Apr 26, 2010

Our future

If you're wondering what's really going on between me and the Beau, don't worry, we're still in love. Although we don't spend as much time together as before when he was in the transition of looking for a new job when he was pretty free.

I have all along been tied down with mine. So the shifting phase of him into his new job and not having time to fetch me out from the office for lunch everyday somewhat made me think less about him in the day. Heck, even when he's out with his parents for dinner sometimes, that I don't actually meet up with him until 2 days later, I don't think about him in between.

I haven't been a good boyfriend. I admit I still go onto those profile sites to check on my messages once a while and replying those who sent me messages, and sometimes even agreed to add them onto MSN and started chatting and all. But I really do swear, that's all I've done.

Meeting up with new friends isn't really what I do anymore nowadays. No matter how hot the other party is, sometimes I just didn't feel like wanting to drive down to the city just to have a dinner and chat or anything, of course probably like what happened last time it led into some private room after that. Because whenever I felt like doing so, there's this voice deep inside my mind telling me I'm attached, and somehow I just lost the interest of wanting to meet up with these new people. Probably that was why my MSN list grew longer over the past one year, but I doubt I ever met up with more than 50% of the contacts I have.

I admit I wasn't the type who stick to one man last time. Heck I dated 3 men at one go one time many years ago because I didn't know which one I wanted to settled down with. Maybe because I'm so full of lust that, when I looked at every other guy, I would have dirty thoughts of wanting to get into bed with him.

It's me. It's just that I've never been really tied down with just one guy and not sleeping with different guys in one month for so long in my life that, I somewhat forgot all those thumping heartbeat meeting up new hottie for some random one night stands.

But as the important date is drawing near, I know I have to throw those itch out of me.

We made it past the 7 months' itch, despite with some glitches and thoughts and scars. We're not exactly the perfect lovey dovey couple as how I've always portrayed in my previous post. We have our downs as well. We quarrel sometimes too. But he gave in a lot, and I tolerated his bad-temper a lot to.

It's all about give and take. It's all about accepting. I have been a lustful man, and I'm pretty flirtatious at times too. But he stood by me all these while, holding me down and not letting me go.

Do I even have the heart to break his heart again?

I don't think so.

Dear, I love you so much. It's been another year now. And I couldn't tell you how glad I am to have you.


KenT said...

Nicely written.
You once asked why I emulated you and beau,this is why. =)

nicky05 said...

no comment on that!!! just patience!!


:) all da best, i believe it will last till the end

Anonymous said...

Wow! You wrote with a lot of honesty and I think many good looking gay boys like you would have gone through the same thing. I am glad you were honest and just remember, you wouldn't want to settle for less.

With Much Appreciation,

rotiboy said...

nice nice =))

pikey said...

Wishing you and Beau, many more anniversaries to come..